Blogging the experience of gameplayhttps://www.gamelog.cl/gamers/GamerPage.php?idgamer=1753https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5993Well, I'm rethinking Defcon. I still don't love the game play. I mean, it's fine, I guess, but I don't feel like I got a ton out of it, and it would really only be fun for me if I were playing with friends, in the same room. Also, whereas I couldn't even win before, now I feel like losing against computers is pretty much impossible so long as you have a brain. In my last game, I had only one nuke hit my territories, and I annihilated the opponent using only half of my nukes. I guess I'm just a little bit unimpressed with the game as a whole. Not really fun, not very intellectually stimulating, and really easy to win once you figure out the controls, which are less than intuitive. In terms of ethics, I've been thinking about the power of one nuke. I realize that the initial inclination is to use up all the nukes in an effort to utterly obliterate the opponent. The problem is that if the opponent has even one nuke left at the end of the game and has any semblance of infrastructure, then the war is essentially lost. The scoring system reflects the notion that keeping nukes is important, but when I first played, I thought it was the idea that we see in The Art of War, that you do as little damage as possible while still utterly incapacitating the opposition. But now that I've played more, the more I think that it's a matter of maintaining power, because a single nuke is enough to hold non-nuclear opponents in abeyance for quite some time. I like the concept of the game, but it wasn't executed properly, and I didn't really enjoy it as a whole. I wouldn't recommend it to other players, though I would definitely suggest that people watch War Games, the movie on which the game was based.Mon, 06 Apr 2015 17:06:37 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5993&iddiary=10457https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5993Well, I still don't love the game, but I can at last say that I beat a computer. I don't know if I just had a better strategy going into it this time around or if I was benefited by the distance between our countries or what, but I felt like this time around was super easy. I was Africa (which apparently now has nukes?), and the enemy was (you guessed it) Russia, as usual. I guess I realized this time around that bombing runs are one of your best bets, because you can use the bombers over and over. I wiped out all the air defenses with my nukes, and then my airplanes had free rein of the place. One thing I noticed in terms of the computer's gameplay is that it will often group 6 subs together and then let loose with nukes galore after they get past my defending fleets. I think I'll maybe try that next time. I guess one thing stood out to me more than anything this time, and that was that the scoring system takes into account how many nukes you have left at the end of the game. I don't know how I got to the end with 25 nukes (realistically, carelessness), but it rewarded me for NOT nuking the crap out of Russia, and I thought that was kind of interesting. It seems like the game kind of encourages the whole death and destruction mentality, but here it was rewarding me for killing a lesser number of people. I really like that, and it made me think that maybe there are tons of things like that that I'm just not seeing because I'm still new to the game. I mean there's the wailing and crying in the background, and that's okay I guess, but I still don't feel like this game made me see anything in any new ways. Anyway, I guess I'll keep my eyes open next time to see what else I might have missed. That being said, I feel like this game is supposed to have some kind of big, meaningful message, but I just don't get it. Maybe if something like this had been out in the 1960's, it would have resonated with people more, but I think it came too late to really impact people in a meaningful way. On the contrary, the fact that it is decontextualized in being released nigh on 50 years after the climax of the Cold War makes the game seem almost inappropriate, as if it were released simply because the idea sounded fun--you know, blowing people up and stuff... I guess it probably makes more sense to others, though. I'm somewhat of a pacifist, so even if the game is successful in conveying a no-war/nuclear disarmament message, it comes across as kind of "well duh" to me. Anyway, I'm willing to give it another shot, I guess.Thu, 19 Mar 2015 19:56:46 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5993&iddiary=10452https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5993Hmmm... where to begin. Well, first off, I am really bad at this game. I'm usually pretty good at strategy games, especially slower ones where you can deliberate about different tactics or whatever, but for some reason, I can't wrap my head around this one. It's funny, too, because I love War Games, the movie on which this game was based, but I just can't like this game... or at least not yet. I played through the tutorial, and the first thing that dawned on me is that the game is exceptionally slow. That's all fine and dandy from a strategy point of view, but where I'm already burdened with the knowledge that I'm acting out what might under other circumstances be considered genocide, I don't need to see the bombs moving toward the cities for 40 seconds to know that nuclear war is a terrible thing. Also, if the game's purpose is to make people think about nuclear holocaust, it has succeeded only in trivializing it by turning casualties into a scoring system and individuals into faceless statistics. The controls are not very intuitive, the UI is bad (player names and info boxes that obscure your screen and make it so you can't click on certain cities or assets), and on top of that, the game won't function in full screen mode. It seems like this is just trying to ride the popularity of wargames, but it takes all the human-ness out of the experience and conceals the real ethical issues behind numbers and minimalist graphics. So, in short, I'm not loving this game. Part of that could be my frustration with the controls, and part of it almost certainly comes from the fact that I haven't won a game yet. Even AIs clobber me. Anyway, I'll give it another go and see where that takes me.Tue, 17 Mar 2015 18:57:13 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5993&iddiary=10451https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5974As much as I hate violent video games and zombie stories, I'm going to finish The Walking Dead later tonight. It's funny how it's worked out so far, because I really didn't want to like the game. When I first started playing, the art was kitschy and annoying for the most part, and I didn't like the characters or the general direction of the story. As it's progressed, though, I've been able to see some of the logic behind different design decisions, and I've actually enjoyed the story a lot. I find that there are some characters about whom I basically don't care, but there are others who, when they die or leave, it actually means something to me personally. It's a hard balance, who to save, because in the end, you realize that you can't really save anyone. You try to save Sarah over and over, and you realize in the end that despite your best efforts, if she doesn't want to live--if she's not burning with life--then she'll be consumed by circumstance. That doesn't mean we don't, though, I guess. I look at Jane and her whole backstory and think how hard it must have been first to see her sister, Jamie, die and then Sarah, and you wish that she would stay, because it means that she sees Clementine as different from the other two. But the fact that she leaves shows that that's just not the case, and even though she puts on a hard exterior, she only leaves because she can't stand to put up with the pain of losing Jamie again and again. You see that even though Jane's independent and "strong," it's only heartache that has done that to her. When I got to the part with the Russians, I had to laugh a little bit that game makers were (surprise, surprise) again using Slavs as the enemy. It also didn't help that they were presented as junkies in the earlier encounter with Jane and Clem. It just makes me think that we'll never get over our old biases--we'll never get over our differences or begin to see people as they really are. I guess I had some advantage playing through this part, because I understood all the Russian. Arvo, for me, was the only real character there, and the rest of the Russians were just old stereotypes, blocks that designers can snap into place when they need an enemy faction. Arvo, though, was voiced by an actual Russian (or Ukrainian?), and you he seemed more to be caught in the middle of everything. There was the slight complication of him basically telling the thugs that Clem and Jane had mugged him (which wasn't true), but I just remember him shouting in Russian, "No, they have a baby! Just put your weapons down. We don't need to do this." Knowing Russian provided an added layer of humanization to a character who was already pretty interesting, based on his circumstances. I think part of designing a good game is building in those little things, and maybe they won't impact everyone who plays, but they'll make those little moments so much more rich for those who do. Anyway, it's kind of sad, but I'm glad Sarah's gone, and as much as I liked Rebecca, I didn't really react much when we had to put her down. I'm still not sure how she got bit, unless her baby was a zombie or something. Doesn't make a ton of sense, but then again, maybe things will explain themselves in the last episode. All in all, really enjoying the game, and I'm excited for what I guess will be a thrilling conclusion.Mon, 23 Feb 2015 13:40:06 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5974&iddiary=10418https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5974Well, The Walking Dead is growing on me. I still have a lot of reservations—the violence, the unnatural controls, the overall idea of another zombie story—but I can definitely see its positives, as well. In many ways, it elevates the zombie story to something much more noble and human than most of the stuff that has come before it. One of the things that I’ve been thinking about a lot is our responsibility to tell the truth to protect those close to us. When Pete and the other survivors were discussing whether they should let Clementine stay, they held to a “no bite” policy, meaning that even if someone hasn’t been bitten and is telling the truth, they still aren’t willing to put themselves at risk based on the word of another person, no matter how close they might be. When Pete got bit, there was something inside of me that said we could still save him, and I would have done so all the same if the controls hadn’t confused me and made me save Nick instead. Thinking about it afterward, though, I was glad that it had happened that way, as I realized that I would have had to make the decision later on to kill Pete because of his bite. It was really neat how they kind of force you to evaluate your rationale afterwards, by having you talk with Nick. I felt like it really invited me to contemplate on the implications of my actions, especially since I wasn’t able to do what I had originally intended to do. Another big question that has arisen is the idea of preserving innocence, as Carlos attempts to do with Sarah. I still don’t know what to think about all that, but if actions are to mean anything, I am with Carlos in wanting Sarah to believe that the world is still a place of beauty and triumph. I’ve often thought about how I’ll raise my kids—what I’ll tell them, what I’ll let them find out on their own—and I always think that I’ll be very forthright with them, but I wonder if, when the time comes, I’ll do the same thing I’ve done with Sarah: tried to help her hold onto a dream. It’s something I did in This War of Mine as well, so I’m guessing I would probably lean in that direction in real life. I’ve also been thinking a lot about what family is when society falls apart. When Luke and Clem are talking on the way to the bridge, Luke suggests that all people want one thing, and the thing I chose was family. What I really mean by that, though, is the feeling that we belong somewhere. I think that’s what Luke and Carlos and everyone is to Clem, and while I don’t necessarily think that family is a social construct, I am thinking more and more that family is the people whom we let into our hearts—the ones whom we allow to hurt us or to really love us—and everyone else is a stranger, foreigners to our minds our hearts. Rebecca talks about her trepidation at bringing a baby into “a world like this,” and I kind of had to think to myself, “That’s always a concern. A world like this.” It’s a whole lot easier to see the dangers of the world when they come limping after you with a bite mark on their arm and rotting teeth hanging from a disconnected jaw, but in many cases, it’s just as much of a sacrifice to bring a life into this world as it is into any other. There’s something brave and beautiful about mothers, about motherhood in general, and while I’m sad that Rebecca’s story is so caught up in the middle of Carver’s politics, the child seems to kind of make all the struggles more worth it in the end. I think I like that the game shows you your choices as compared to others’ at the end of each episode, because again, it gives you a chance to reflect, both on the story and on who you are as a person. It’s a little bit subversive that they label each one with a virtue or positive attribute, as it makes it feel a little bit like there is supposed to be a right answer, but sometimes, when the world starts falling apart, the whites and the blacks seem to kind of fade to gray, and all we can ever do is try to keep pushing forward and being a good person, despite the mistakes we make. So, in short, liking the game a lot better now. Still wishing that the controls were different, because they can be cludgy (and deceptive) at times, but I’m managing all the same. I wish death had more of an impact, because it seems kind of inconsequential, but that’s just a constraint of a linear narrative I suppose. Anyway, that’s all, for now. Next up, Episode 3!Sat, 21 Feb 2015 16:28:26 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5974&iddiary=10416https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5974Well, I've never been much of a fan of zombie games (or movies, for that matter), and so far, this isn't proving to be much of an exception. I haven't played a ton so far, though, so maybe things will take a turn for the better. So first off, going into this game, I had high hopes, because I had heard it was a new kind of storytelling and it was really creative and ingenious and all that. Well, it definitely is a new type of storytelling, but the delivery is not my favorite at all. I've played plenty of games where you have different options or where you have live response triggers, but in this, I feel like that actually detracts from the story. It's like they want us to be invested but not too invested, and that rubs me wrong, I guess. So far, I've been underwhelmed by the characters (especially Clementine, who talks to herself way too much, and in unnatural ways). Again, a lot of this may just be because I've only played a little more than a half hour, but I feel like the designers would have been better off NOT having her say some things than having her verbally reaffirm every single action. "Nothing here" does a lot more to detract from the experience than would a sigh or slouched shoulders. Next, forced engagement. This is going back again to this idea of investment, but I hate that the game forces you to respond within a certain amount of time. It's interesting, I guess, but it means that you don't really get to think about the implications of what you are saying or deciding. I guess that's real-to-life, but in a game that's supposed to be about story, it sure would be nice to have a chance to mentally explore the narrative possibilities. The time gauge just frustrated me more than anything, and the trigger responses (push left, right, down, tap the R trigger, etc.) seemed too simple to be really meaningful. Also, the signaling wasn't very clear in situations where you had to tap A, which means that I died at one point simply because I didn't understand the instructions that they gave. That being said, I think the game has raised some interesting questions so far. Is it humane to kill something that was once human but is not any longer? If yes, then is it humane to kill a "human" who has lost his/her human sensibilities but who is still, for all intents and purposes, a human? One topic that I've been thinking about especially is what it means to be alive and human. For example, is the girl in the bathroom near the beginning of the game alive in the fullest sense, or has she, even in humanity, become a member of the metaphorical walking dead in choosing to prey on other survivors? Is deadness a condition of physical frame or of soul? Another interesting question involves personal accountability, specifically in the case that one is infected by and set to turn into a zombie. Is the just thing to do to commit suicide? If one is unable to do that, ought one to somehow restrain oneself? What about a loved one? The man tied to the tree, strange though it sounds, seemed to still have a little bit of humanity in him, and that made it all the harder to kill him, knowing that A. he had allowed or insisted that he be tied to the tree and that B. when we try to get close enough to the knife, he seems to ward the player away rather than grabbing her and attacking. In any case, I get the feeling that this question of what it means to be human and alive will surface a lot within this game. So far, The Walking Dead isn't my favorite game (interactive story), but all the same, I'm excited to see where it takes me in my own understanding of humanity.Thu, 19 Feb 2015 23:10:40 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5974&iddiary=10415https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5941Well, I finished my first entire playthrough this evening, and I really did love this game. I stuck to my guns til the end and didn't steal from regular, defenseless people, and I felt really good coming out of it all knowing that I hadn't lost my humanity somewhere in the fog of war. I guess one of the hardest things for me is that you never know when it will all end. I sent Bruno out on the final night, not knowing that we could have just stayed in and survived on what we had, but he was killed that final night, after all he had been through. He was the only character who had been there since the beginning, and he was honestly my favorite as well, and it just seemed like such a waste of life that he was taken out really for no reason at all. We could have holed up inside the shelter, which was barricaded and alarmed, and everything would have been fine. We had food and supplies for a couple days, and he didn't even need to go out. In the end, though, it doesn't cheapen the sacrifice that he made on behalf of the other team members. It doesn't make his death (and perhaps more importantly, his life) any less valiant or heroic than the others. It's just sad that he was so close to making it. I like to think that my ideals--both in life and in the game, apparently--are more Kantian than utilitarian. I really did try to treat others as ends in themselves, and I found that while helping other people usually disadvantaged me, it was a lot easier to live with myself and for the characters to live with the decisions that they had to make. The hardest time for me was when Marko fell apart from the guilt of killing the hobo in the bombed out school. I knew that I never wanted anything like that to happen again--not for me, and not for the characters--and I think it helped me to really solidify my position on violence and self defense and all that. Anyway, I'm rambling now, so I'll just say that I loved the game, and I plan on playing through it at least one more time, this time (hopefully) with a bit more strategy and a bit less regret. Definitely my favorite game in a while...Sat, 24 Jan 2015 23:51:13 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5941&iddiary=10375https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5941This game gets better every time. Loving all the ethical questions it raises, and it's been interesting to kind of get to know myself through the decisions that I've made in-game. It's funny because I think the initial impulse when playing a game like this is to panic and just do whatever you have to in order to survive another day, but as you get past 20 or 30 days, you realize that survival might actually be a thing, and you start to think more long-term with your goals. There was a time where, in order to keep my people alive, I traded my ax for food, but now I look at that and think, "You just didn't build enough traps or vegetable gardens or whatever. It's been a really interesting challenge to plan things out so that I can survive without bartering away vital tools and resources. At the same time, though, there was something very satisfying about bartering away my knife, which I had taken with me on all of my scavenging runs. I realized, "After that first encounter where I pretty much had to kill, and after Marko's depression and everything, I have no desire to kill." Selling the knife was a nice way of concretizing that decision. I guess one moral issue that I've come up against is whether or not it's okay to steal from bad people. I would feel bad stealing from a family or something, but when it's armed thugs or manipulative military personnel, I have absolutely no qualms about stealing (aside from, of course, the possibility of being caught). The other issue that has arisen of late is the dilemma of whether or not I should use guns as bartering items, as that essentially facilitates further violence. I have thought about that questions a lot, especially since the switch from winter to organized crime came at about the same time as I traded away 4 or 5 firearms to the traveling trader. I realized that in some sense, they weren't doing me any good and supplies could do me a lot of good, but it was hard knowing that that trader could potentially walk down the street and sell those same guns to a bunch of thugs who, up until then, had only been deterred from breaking into our shelter because we had firearms and they didn't. That being said, I feel like things are going pretty well. I'm about 37 days in, and my people are happy and healthy for the most part. Still trying to get my vegetable and meat schedule more on track, but it's coming along little by little, and I should have some good items to barter with now that I can make cigarettes and herbal meds. I have my own qualms about the whole smoking thing (Bruno, by the way, is definitely an addict), but I guess it doesn't make a huge different whether I barter away the tobacco products (for less) or the actual cigarettes (for more). Or something like that. There was a line on the radio that caught my attention. It said, "Every building has a story to tell," and I think that's where it really hit me that even though there's not much of a linear narrative in the game as a whole, I have been so impressed by the narrative cues at pretty much every turn. I thought it was kind of strange that the different locations didn't change over time--that is, until I went back to Sniper Junction and the guy who had been there before was now dead and the baby was gone. Little things like that have made these places seem so alive, and I'm learning a lot of the potential for storytelling within even non-linear spaces. Passage of time seems to be a major mechanic in making things like that work. Anyway, I'm going to keep playing. I've wondered whether there is really an end to this, but I'm not complaining at all. To be honest, I find it hard to stop playing this game.Sat, 24 Jan 2015 14:32:54 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5941&iddiary=10373https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5941Lists. I think all I do is assemble lists of things that I need more of to keep my characters alive. Physical lists, scrawled on whatever paper I can find, often in what look more a cuneiform than English. Day 11. "4 gears [I don't even bother to write the actual names], 6+ wood, parts++." Day 12. "Food." The hard days are made evident by the brevity of their lists. It wasn't until day 12 that I noticed the "Some thoughts" section on the menu screen. I don't know if had been there all along, but suddenly, these characters were real, writing notes about the struggles that they (we) were facing, and it all seemed so real. I made my first kill today. I didn't mean to, really. It's just that Pavle finally was in perfect condition--no wounds, no cough, full rested and fed--and I wanted to give him a chance to go out (in part, to be honest, so that Marko could have a day of much needed rest). I also knew at that point that I was going to have to steal--like confront people and steal right in front of them--and since Pavle was a fast runner, I figured he could grab the goods and hightail it out of there without any problem. Cue theft, Pavle went into combat mode (unarmed, mind you), and the two guys whose stuff I had taken did the same. For the first 5 seconds, I fumbled around trying to figure out how to run away, and they Pavle once, twice. A fist appeared over one, and I thoughtm "Maybe I can knock him back and then run," so I swung. The guy came at me again and swung, but after all that time of putting up with Pavle--of bandaging his almost ever-present wounds, of feeding him despite the fact that he could only lay in bed all day, of expending meds exclusively on him and in great quantities--I wasn't going to let him die to a bum in a bombed out school over a couple of tins of canned food. So I swung again, and the guy fell, and Pavle was suddenly a killer, and then Pavle was suddenly gone. The other guy had struck him from behind, and Pavle died. And it was only then that I noticed that Steam had given me an achievement: "First Kill," as if it were something to be glad about. I can't get over the other characters' responses when they got back. Some of it, admittedly, was pretty corny, and it kind of broke the immersion for them to shout things like, "I can't believe Pavle's dead." It all felt too sanitized, as if Pavle were a cat from down the lane or a plant growing in the corner. All of my remaining characters were sad, and Marko was still in pretty rough shape, but he had the largest bag, and he had proven successful so many times before, so I sent him out to retrieve the things Pavle would have left. I guess I didn't think about the consequences that would have on Marko--I just knew that we were going to die without those supplies, so I packed up a few things and headed back to the school. This time, though, preparing took on a different meaning. As I looked at my gear and remembered Pavle's untimely end, I hesitated on the knife for a moment before moving it into my pack. I knew then that the fact that I was taking the knife mean that I was willing to kill with that knife--I knew I was putting Marko's life above that of the bum in the school, but I also knew that everyone was depending on Marko. He had held the group together for so long, and he would carry them through this rough patch as well. I found Pavle, and I killed the hobo. And then the loot option popped up on the hobo. I was stunned, wondering if that could really be what I thought it was, and sure enough, when I looted the body, I picked up an item or two. And then, the sick, discouraged part of me that was lost somewhere in the game thought to itself, "Gee, if one hobo has stuff to loot, maybe the others have stuff on them, too." War changes the way you think about people. It makes you and them less human, and you kind of have to become okay with that. When Marko got back, he wouldn't move from the entry way. He sat down and stared and wouldn't move. The trader came by, and Marko sat, depressed and broken. Marin played music on the radio, and Bruno made food--good food--but Marko just sat and stared. I don't know that it really even dawned on me what had happened: I knew Pavle had died, and they all "knew" Pavle had died, so I didn't really think about the fact that Marko, should he return to the school, would see his friend's body for the first time. I didn't realize it would break him. But when Bruno said, "Marko will never forget this..." I knew I had made a big mistake, and I felt terrible. Marko had held the team together that whole time--he was the strong one, the one who kept everyone else alive--and then he was gone, the shell left over after the angel moth flies away. I think it's clear by now that this game invites deep connection with its characters and handles mood and personality in unique and innovative ways. I honestly didn't expect half of the psychological twists or responses that I've witnessed playing this game, and I'm loving the new experience. I'm also realizing that when survival is on the line, a lot of the time, it's easier to focus on physical health, but emotional and psychological health can sometimes be even more important and in much more profound disarray. Someone once said that war is a thing that gives us meaning, but the more I encounter war--whether through video games, film, or literature--I find that it often robs us of even the most basic meanings. It deprives us of whatever humanity we have salvaged from childhood and gives us instead pain, loss, sadness, and an unceasing hunger of both body and soul. I don't know what to say about this game more than that it is amazing. I have loved it so far, and I grow more attached to it with each day that I play: more endeared to its rich narrative, its emergent play style, its unique psychological approach, its beautiful artwork and music, and perhaps more than anything, I have fallen in love with the beautiful truths scattered in the ashes and rubble of this bitter war of mine.Fri, 23 Jan 2015 01:58:34 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5941&iddiary=10370https://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5941Well, I have to say, I am super impressed with This War of Mine so far. I wasn't sure what to expect of it when I first started playing--it seemed like I would get bored fast--but I found myself compelled to do "just one more day," and two hours later, I was still sitting in front of my laptop. I got sucked into the world, and I didn't want to leave it. The music and environment were captivating. The little details like the characters limping or coughing really added to the immersion and was a great method for passive feedback. I also liked the diversity of the dialogue, because for the most part, it added vitality and "realness" to the characters and helped me to experience their desperation at least to a minimal degree. One thing that I really liked about the game is that they don't overexplain mechanics. The first time I went scavenging, I didn't really even think about it, and I was really cautious because I could see that there was someone or something upstairs in the house. I ended up not taking any supplies with me (crowbar, shovel, etc.), only looted a couple of things, and left pretty much emptyhanded. The game doesn't explain that you inventory is limited while scavenging or that sawblades can only be used once, but you learn those things by hard experience, just as you would in the real world. The second or third time I went scavenging, I realized that I couldn't just slink around and hope to find the things that I needed, so I started planning ahead of time and was eventually faced with the reality that I would have to encounter whomever or whatever was upstairs in the first house. I was anxious to be sure, but it ended up being just a mouse. I was so relieved, and it served as a nice chance to kind of laugh at myself and relax from the tension of the game. There were lots of moments where you just had to trust that things would work out, though. When the neighbor came and asked for help boarding up windows, I wasn't really sure what to do, because I didn't want to risk the safety of my people on behalf of people whom I didn't even know. That was, of course, after I built up the courage to even open the door. The same was the case when the bargaining guy came. I hesitated for a moment before opening the door, wondering if this stranger would charge in and kill one of my characters. The game ends up being a lot about trust, both in other people and in humanity. I think you have to kind of trust humanity, because that's all that you have to rely upon. I didn't want to violate that trust either, so I found myself scavenging only in places that were already abandoned or looted. Whatever nobility was left inside of me said that risking getting hit by a sniper was well worth the chance to avoid inflicting violence against innocent people, and I think in some sense, that moral stand has helped me to feel good about the game as a whole, even though I'm surrounded by terrible things happening. Some part of me wants to believe that I will be able to last forever without ever wronging another human being, but I have the niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I'll soon have to make some changes. Survival makes you think about people a lot differently. It changes how you view humanity. I remember when Marin asked to join my group, I was fine with it, as it would mean that we had another person to keep watch. When it came time for someone to leave the house for a couple of days to defend strangers, though, he was the obvious choice. I didn't feel bad about sending him, because in some sense, he wasn't "one of us." We got by with three, and we'll get by with three if Marin never comes back. Even within the group, though, I found myself thinking, "Gee, Pavle sure eats a lot. And he's wounded, so he can't do much. And he's always sick, even though no one else gets sick or wounded. Maybe it would be easier without him." Even though he was a member of my initial core group, I found that as supplies became more meager, I saw him less as a person and friend and more as a burden--a drain on our already scanty supplies. I resisted the urge to send him on reckless missions, but there was still that devil on my shoulder the whole while, telling me that life would be easier without hungry, sick, injured Pavle. All in all, loving the game so far. Really solid narrative, theme, and aesthetic, and I love the immersiveness of the player experience. Can't wait to play some more tomorrow!Thu, 22 Jan 2015 17:40:10 CDThttps://www.gamelog.cl/logs/LogPage.php?Log_Id=5941&iddiary=10369