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dkirschner's Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon (360)

[July 7, 2014 02:39:20 PM]

I'm house-sitting this week and the guy has a few games I want to play...Unfortunately I just bought Blood Dragon in the Steam sale. My computer can't run it, but I grabbed it because it was $5 and I will have a new computer at some point. But...turns out it was a waste of money, not only because this guy has it, and I beat it in like 5 hours (3 hours 19 minutes says the game), but because it wasn't all I thought it would be.

If you've played Far Cry 3, you've played everything cool about Blood Dragon, except the blood dragons. Think of them just like the other ferocious beasts, except they're huge and have lasers. I know, I know, rampaging dragons with lasers are cool, but it boils down to the same thing as a tiger or a crocodile.

I also understand it was meant to be a spoof on the FPS/action/80s action genres, but it was...really dumb. They make fun of tutorials in the beginning, but force you to sit through one instead of doing something different. Basically everything they make fun of in the genres, they make you do in this game! Like, is it tongue-in-cheek? Did they not realize that making fun of quests and making fun of saving scientists, and then asking you to do those very same things in all seriousness really devalue the parody? And I love that all scientists are "nerds" and that instead of throwing a rock, you throw a D20, or a "nerd rock." Hilarious...let's keep up those gamer stereotypes.

The first joke was a gay joke...I thought that was going to set a very teenage immature mood for the game, but I'm happy to say that was the only overt gay joke. There were some other more subtle ones, and subtle penis jokes that I found amusing. I appreciate subtlety. Not very many women jokes, except the sex scene was bizarrely rapey. Was it funny that she started screaming "no! no! no!" in the middle of sex? I'm not sure.

I laughed at a couple random things...some patriotic jokes, some good ole references to the 80s and 90s. The sexy doctor character wants to inject the main character with some performance enhancing drugs and he responds, no, winners don't do drugs...which if you remember, always displayed on old arcade machines.

Story, characters and music were appropriately cheesy. I don't really know what I was expecting. I guess more than a 3-4 hour story for a $15 game that played almost exactly like another game I already played.

Ok but...the blood dragons were cool. It was fun to watch them rampage. The first time I got to corral one into an enemy base by disabling the base's energy shields was my favorite part of the game. The final mission was my favorite overall mission with the waves of "running dead" and one awesome thing I won't spoil. The visuals were also incredibly cool. It's eye candy for sure, very neon.

...I dunno. It just seems like an easy cash grab? Churn out some same old same old extra content with a fun skin on it and call it a new game. I mean...once I beat the short storyline, I can go do more of the same crap that Ubisoft is famous for...liberating bases, getting 10000 collectibles, hunting, doing 1000 random side missions like "kill this bird" and "save this scientist." Meh.

Back to BioShock Infinite.